Museum :)

Today we went to the Denver Art Museum. I realized that my biggest dream before I die is to get something into a museum. I just think that'd be the greatest thing in the whole world :D it was me and Ryan and Daniela and my parents.

It was really fun, until Ryan started getting all grouchy and I was hungry so I got all snippy back at him and then it was just a complete mess. I've been having so much trouble lately.

This evening I was in Target getting my mom's birthday present and I just broke down. I started crying and I couldn't even stop to buy my stuff, so I just left. I felt so pathetic.

I feel like I'm being crushed, physically. It feels like theres so much pressure right now and I'm just going to crack.

Some of my closer friends are having a New Years party, but I wasn't invited. I don't understand why, either. I dislike not being invited to things, especially when its my best friends... Maybe they're mad at me. But I don't know what I would have done! None of them have really talked to me since school got out. I hate this. I just want to graduate and be done with all of this stupid high school stuff.

Christmas

Christmas was really good up until the end.

I got a new iPod and a dinosaur coloring book! :D It was great, and it was fun and everyone got along.

Then, at dinner, Shiloh was being really annoying under the table and when I looked under his paws were all wonky and sticking out and he was flailing about and I thought he had gotten caught in something, so I went down to help him and he got really stiff and fell over and started shaking :(

So then I started crying, because he was having a seizure, and he's my puppy! And he just layed there shaking for like five minutes, and I'm crying, and my moms crying and it was just awful. Then we took him to the Animal Hospital and we sat there for like two hours while they ran tests in him. Then they told us that they have to keep him over night, so we went home.

I'm just scared.. My little puppy.. :(

Today is Boxing Day, and the Cooks' always have a party. But I don't want to go. I don't like being around them anymore. Its not fun for me. I feel like an outcast when I'm with them, because I don't enjoy any of the same things as them, and I don't have any of the same friends and its just awkward! And Daniela was suppose to come, and now she's not and I'm just feeling so blue. Christmas is over, Shilohs in the hospital, its gloomy outside, and all of my friends are too busy for me.

I'm really wishing for happier times...

I mean, I'm having such a hard time right now, and all of my friends, except Elizabeth and Nick ,are too busy to even notice or care.

I miss Josh. I know I shouldn't, and I'm pretty much over him, but I miss everything. I just want to go back in time to summer when everything was easy and good.

I really hope this semester goes by fast. I need to start over somewhere new.

:D

Today a man came up to me and told me I look like Taylor Swift. Then he asked if anyone had ever told me that before, and when I said no he was all "Thats amazing, because you look just like her. I saw your face and I had to do a double take!" This made me really excited :) I love Taylor Swift! That man made my day.

Anywho, the past few days have been really good :) We put up our Christmas tree last night, which is always the greatest thing in the world! Hahah, I've just been in such a good mood lately. Part of this, I think, is because I don't talk to Josh anymore. And I talk to Nick a lot.. Heh :) He makes me feel better in every way, I wish he lived her.
Also, another reason everythings better is because Miss Willis, my humanities teacher, read my journal. After everything that happened with my break up with Josh and my O.D. and how I spent that night in the hospital I wrote it down for her to read. Of course, after that she stopped grading the journals. But last week she started reading them again and she freaked out and asked to talk to me after class. We stayed like half an hour into 3rd period talking about everything that happened. Its really nice having someone else whose been through that kind of stuff to help me get through everything. I'm just so happy!

Also, this:

I LOVE MY BEANSY BEANSY BEANS BEANS BEANS

Except her name is Misha. But I call her beans. We made the moustaches in AP Art out of friskit film. :D I love it. Then we gave them to Phil. He was really really excited.

:]

song of the day: Christmas Must Mean Something More, Taylor Swift

Blecky

HMM so today was really weird. I was feeling all good and happy and then BAM! Stupid Josh drama kills me again. But I wrote him a letter and gave it to him, and now I feel better. I'm so sick of this, I just want to go to college or get on break already.

Anywho, I'm going to youth group with Angie and Tori tonight! I haven't gone to youth group in sooo long, I'm pretty stoked. I'm just feeling really happy right now :] PICTURES!

Me and Emerson

:D

I took this of Alex and Shiloh, and I just think its really cool

BROSKI

These are from Thanksgiving in Wyoming :D It was so fun, I wish we could have stayed up there longer!